The article reflects on a personal experience involving a woman who frequently quarrelled with her husband. The narrator initially prayed for the husband to change, believing he was the source of conflict in the marriage. However, during a confrontation, the woman admitted she was the one being hurtful and controlling. This moment of self-awareness shifted the narrator's perspective on how individuals often overlook their own role in marital strife. The piece emphasizes introspection, urging spouses to assess their behaviour rather than placing blame solely on their partners. It does not include names, dates, statistics, or specific organisations, and is framed as a reflective commentary on relationship dynamics.
Marital conflicts in Nigeria are often viewed through the lens of external fixes—pastoral intervention, family pressure, or divine intervention—yet the admission by the woman in this account cuts through that pattern. Her acknowledgment that she was the hurtful spouse challenges the common tendency to cast the other partner as the problem. This shifts responsibility back to the individual, which is uncomfortable but necessary. For many Nigerian marriages, lasting change may begin not with prayer for the other person to change, but with the courage to question one's own actions.
