Adura* (29) grew up navigating the strained relationship between her mum and stepmum without picking sides. But on her wedding day, the conflict came to a head. Now, she’s dealing with the fallout of a momentary decision and questioning if she handled it wrongly. This is Adura’s dilemma, as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa My mum and my stepmum have never gotten along. It affects me deeply, and I don’t know how to fix it because neither of them is willing to meet in the middle. My parents separated in 1999 when I was three. Their marriage had been strained because they ran a business together. My dad believed my mum was taking money from the business without his consent, while my mum felt justified because she believed she’d been treated unfairly. The issue led to a big fight, driving my mum to move out. Within weeks, my dad refunded her bride price and ended the marriage. I learnt my mum tried to return to the marriage, but it didn’t work out. By July 2000, my dad had married another woman from church. The woman and my mum weren’t friends, but they knew each other well enough for my mum to feel betrayed. Shortly after, my dad relocated us from Akure to Abuja. Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action Zikoko Daily Ships Money by Zikoko Her Subscribe I grew up with my dad and stepmum, and she treated me like I was one of her three children. I never felt my mum’s absence because my stepmum was present in every way that mattered. My biological mum only came back into my life when I was eleven. She said she’d been unable to stay in contact after we moved, and I didn’t hold it against her. From then on, I had both of them in my life. I often visited my mum in Akure and even went to university there, but I lived primarily with my dad and stepmum. I loved them all, but there was always tension. They avoided each other completely. As a child, I ignored it, but as I got older, I began to understand how deeply rooted their issues were. Once, my mum screamed over the phone because she’d only been informed about my secondary school graduation the night before. At my university convocation, she arrived early and left before my dad and stepmum got there, so they wouldn’t have to interact. As I planned my wedding last year, I was anxious. I knew bringing everyone together wouldn’t be easy, so I tried to manage the situation by giving them separate responsibilities. Still, things fell apart on the morning of my traditional wedding. My mum, who was in charge of preparing the meat, came to my dad’s house with some of her friends, including someone my dad had hated. I heard there were tense exchanges . At some point, my stepmum felt disrespected when one of my mum’s friends implied she had no right to the house she had taken from someone else. That comment upset her, and it got back to my dad. My dad was already upset before the guests started arriving for the ceremony. The matter escalated when my mum went to the seats reserved for the bride’s parents and realised there were only two seats. My dad insisted he didn’t want to sit with her, raising his voice as he said my stepmum was just as much my mother and would take that position for the day. My mum who felt humiliated, came upstairs to tell me. At that point, I was overwhelmed and under a lot of pressure to get ready. I told her to be the bigger person and let it go, so the day could go smoothly. She didn’t argue, but she withdrew. Instead of sitting in the front row, she moved to the back. When she was called to pray for me, I could tell she was still upset. Later that day, she called me and said she never imagined she would cry on her child’s wedding day. She said I shut her down and allowed someone else to take her place, despite everything I knew about the situation. She listed all the ways she’d felt excluded over the years and accused me of not standing up for her. Feeling terrible, I tried to speak to my dad and stepmum. I begged them to consider apologising for peace’s sake, but the conversation didn’t go well. My stepmum took offence at the suggestion that they had done anything wrong. She asked if I didn’t consider her a mother because she didn’t give birth to me, despite all she had done. In the end, I found myself apologising to her. It’s been nearly five months since the wedding, but my mum hasn’t let it go. She never wants to be in the same room with them again. I never planned to be the centre of their fights, but every family event has filled me with anxiety because I’m constantly expecting something to go wrong. Now I’m thinking about the future. The thought of having children makes me uneasy because it would lead to a new conflict. How would I balance both sides without someone feeling cheated? I’m stuck, wondering if the way I handled things on my wedding day only worsened their relationship, and what I can do to mend things between them. Read Next: I Chose My Sister’s Ex. Then He Moved to Canada Without Telling Me