England full-back Ellie Kildunne has revealed how body dysmorphia and an eating disorder took hold during the 2020 lockdown, leaving her chasing dangerous weight loss while isolated from teammates.
The 25-year-old, who scored five tries in last year's World Cup including a solo stunner in the 33-13 final win over Canada, told BBC Sport she felt "really alone" after that triumph and had developed "a terrible relationship with food."
Kildunne, now at Harlequins, explained how without regular access to physios and squad-mates she began seeing herself as bigger than she was. "I could probably see myself getting a little bit smaller, but then was still trying to chase being smaller on top of that," she said, adding that outside rugby she felt "big" despite being considered small within the sport.
The breakthrough came during a Wasps physio session when lead physio Emily Ross simply asked if she was okay. "I broke down in tears, probably because I've been waiting for someone to say that," Kildunne recalled, noting that speaking the problem aloud created the accountability she needed.
Her candid interview comes ahead of England's 33-12 Six Nations opener victory over Ireland, where Kildunne crossed again, as the Red Roses chase the first World Cup-Six Nations double in their history.
Elite athletes aren't supposed to admit they hate their own bodies, which is precisely why Kildunne's confession lands like a grenade in the polished world of women's rugby. The same player who left Canadian defenders grasping air in the World Cup final was simultaneously at war with her own reflection, proving that medals and try-scoring records offer zero protection against mental health collapse.
What makes this revelation particularly jarring is the timing: Kildunne's five-try World Cup haul should have cemented her status as the sport's poster girl, yet she describes feeling "really alone" in the aftermath. The contrast between her explosive on-field presence and the isolation she felt off it exposes the brutal reality that athletic excellence can coexist with deep psychological distress, especially when pandemic restrictions stripped away the team environment that normally provides checks and balances.
For Nigerian fans who marvel at women's rugby's growing profile, Kildunne's story serves as crucial education about the sport's hidden pressures. As women's rugby gains traction in Africa with nations like South Africa, Kenya and Nigeria developing programs, understanding that even global superstars battle body image issues becomes essential for coaches and administrators building support systems for emerging talents who might face similar struggles without the safety nets available in established rugby nations.
The Red Roses' pursuit of a historic World Cup-Six Nations double now carries added significance, with Kildunne's openness potentially creating a squad culture where players feel safer discussing mental health challenges rather than suffering in silence while chasing on-field glory.
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